Me Stay?…WHO STAY?…Me STAY!…OOHHH MEEEE STAY!

I actually realized I never put in this little anecdote. This happened when language learning was so complex for Drake. This became a memory I will NEVER, EVER forget. Wanted to share this one!

One of the hardest things for children with autism to learn is: WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and WHY. It is very difficult to teach them you, me, mine, yours and so forth. It becomes very confusing for them to get the concept of the reversal. 

I don’t think we realize justt how complex the English language really is. Synonyms can make us crazy, so imagine what a child with autism goes through. Let's see…two, to, too…for, four…there, their, they’re, and so forth. I think you get the picture. It can feel like an insurmountable task for sure. I tutored an inmate in ESL at Sing, Sing Prison and he went nuts, so you can imagine teaching this to a young child with autism. If I can get confused at times you can only imagine the glazed look that would come over their little angelic face. Cookie and candy is easy…they know that’s good and that’s all that matters. Ok enough rambling because I think you get the drift. 

At this stage of my precious guy’s life I was babysitting everyday due to my daughter and son-in-law’s work schedules. Little man and I spent hours and hours together. He made me crazy. I made him crazy. Together we had a ball everyday. We’d play stuff. He’d throw stuff. I’d cook stuff. He’d spill stuff. I’d wash stuff. He’d dirty stuff. My days were never better. In fact I would (would, wood…see what I mean?)) feel sad when it was time for (four) me to go home. Little man looked sad. I looked sad. We had a sad party.

One particular day when he looked really sad, I sat down on the bed and took his little hand and just held it. He turned to look at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes and said: “ME STAY? I was like HUH? What does he mean by me stay. So I said you stay? Again he said me stay? Being the perfect ass that I am I said, “What do you mean my love?” …and then BAM! I got it like a chocolate cream pie thrown in my the face. I WAS ME! ME WAS I! Oh my oh my! I would refer to myself as ME while speaking with him…do you want Me to…this is for ME…you and ME…Oh Lordy, Lordy…

I looked at my love and said, “do you want grandma to stay? Do you want ME to stay? His eyes lit up and tears stopped flowing when I said Me stay for awhile. Man I love this kid. It will always be him and ME.

"One of OUR Hardest Days"

Today I am going to write about something weighing heavily on my heart and mind. So as you can tell, this entry will be on a more serious note. The time is fast approaching when the need to explain to Drake about autism is fast zooming down the road. My sweet daughter Jefner and I agonize on when to do this…how to start…what to say…and how to answer questions if he should have any!

This is a road we knew we would travel but it seemed so far away. Now it is just about here. The little man will be eleven years old this year and we can see he is striving for more independence and to be treated like a BIG guy…God this hurts our hearts…how do we help him to understand? How do we choose the right words? How do we know we chose the right words? How do we say things to help him without confusing him? 

He seems to be getting to the point where he’s questioning things. Does he know his thought processes are different? Does he feel different? How do we let him know he is just like everyone else while being a little bit different…that he sees and puts together things in a different way. If this is confusing for us, we can only imagine how confusing this is for him?

Are we worrying too much? Will a  miracle happen and he’ll say: Oh don’t worry about me…I get it…it’s no biggie? Will he look at us with confusion in his eyes and think we’re just babbling away? Will he get upset because he thinks he’s not the same and now doesn’t know what to do? Maybe in the recesses of his wonderful mind he will get everything we say and feel sad because he knows we feel sad! Could it be that he understands more than we give him credit for…can this be possible? Why is life so hard at times. I know many, many people have it much harder but at this moment I am going to put our pain and fear to the top. Tomorrow we will have a better grip once again…allowing us to be thankful…thankful for bringing us this little ANGEL. 

All we can  do is hope and pray that when we work up the courage…yes, courage…things will go well. I wonder if the courage is for him or for us…

"Grandma You Have a Morer Heart and are Very Nice"

Before I start my silly nonsense I want to say the reason I haven’t done much writing is this…due to health issues, feeling very tired AND getting old, I find that sometimes I don’t have the energy to use my brain. This anecdote was actually started awhile ago (the end of the summer) but having some issues and then ending up in the hospital, this was pushed to the side. Now I want to finish it! The thoughts will dance around in my head but the strength isn’t there, so I save it up and then have at it…so here I go!

This past weekend (which as I previously mentioned was actually awhile ago) I watched my two little buds (Drake and Riles) so my daughter Jefner could have a much needed and deserved rest…OK! OK!…so she went to Vegas with her best friend…good for them is what I say. Jealous much is what I also say. 

It all went very well. Friday night I told my little darlings to PLEASE let grandma sleep in the morning because I’m so tired. The little angels let me sleep until 8:30am. Jen will have a fit when she hears this (they wake her at 5am sometimes) but I am grandma after all! They also probably figured if they behave I will spoil them rotten, which I must confess I did. Saturday was filled with all kinds of fun.

We got dressed and went to Golden Corral (buffet) for breakfast. The kids ate like little beasts and had a blast. They seemed so proud of themselves for staying out of trouble. I have to admit I was really impressed. Maybe they were just too full to misbehave…ham, sausages, eggs, pancakes, hash browns, biscuits, fried peppers, chocolate covered strawberries and marshmallows, ice cream and mountain dew. I thought that I would throw up! They were fine. 

While driving home from our breakfast outing, the begging started. Grandma can we go to the pool? Grandma can we go to the pet store? Grandma can we? Can we? Oh can we? We’ll be good…we promise… And then Drake pulled out all stops! As I was driving towards their home I hear Drake say: “Grandma…you have a morer heart and are very nice! What did I just hear? I have a morer heart? A MORER HEART? How can I possibly not be swayed by those magically mystical words. Boy this kid is learning how to finesse with words. 

While driving, my heart was bursting from the words I had just heard. Wanting to play this for all it was worth I said quite innocently, and with a big grin on my face…WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY MY LOVE? CAN YOU PLEASE REPEAT WHAT YOU SAID? I knew exactly what he said but being the big baby that I am I wanted to hear him say it again…and he complied! GRANDMA YOU HAVE A MORER HEART AND ARE VERRRY NICE…

Guess what! We went back to the house, and on their bathing suits went. We packed up all the water toys and off to the pool we went. They had a grand old splashing time. They were so good, it was decided we would go see the animals when they finished in the pool.

After going home and changing into dry clothes, we were off to the pet store for a grand old time with the animals. Drake and Riles played with many animals and Drake had a blast holding them. I myself would RUN from the spiders, snakes and other icky stuff, which seemed to be his favorite. My oh my oh my!

On the way home we stopped for an ice cream and a great day was had by all of us. 

Autism Felt Like Two Derailing Trains

Something happened earlier tonight that actually took my breath away. It was also a major eye opener as far as the flip side of the coin where autism is concerned.

Tonight was my weekly dinner date with my favorite little guy in the whole wide world. I think I will say to Neptune because he tells me he loves me to Neptune…so I’m convinced that’s very far!

We happily got out of my car after parking in front of Burger King…little man was ready for a Whopper Jr. and some goodily good fries. Yes we were back on track considering last week he lost Dinner Date night due to naughty school behavior. 

Upon entering this royal establishment I looked to my left and saw this teenager staring at my little precious and wondered why he was doing this. Little guy was behaving! Not acting out. Perfect little gentleman. Then I saw him staring at me and I just figured it was because I was wearing a portable oxygen tank. Then I thought what the what? He’s turning around in his seat and staring at my buddy boy and then shifting his gaze towards me. Now I’m thinking why is this kid doing this? So being the mature individual that I am, I looked him right in the eye, and was getting ready to say, “Is there a problem?” At this point I’m thinking this kid has surely seen or learned about an oxygen tank so it must be directed towards Drake, and now I’m getting really upset. 

Thank God I kept my big mouth shut! His mom saw my expression of HUH? WHAT? and said…He has autism. My heart shattered. I looked at her and said, “WHAT? He has autism? My grand”sun” has autism. Oh man…I thought he was making fun of my grand”sun!” I was absolutely devastated. All I could say is, “why is this happening? So many kids…”

This was an epiphany moment for me. People with a child/children, relatives or friends with autism can’t understand the ignorance of others pertaining to this dastardly devilish disorder. And here I was…GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY. That boy didn’t show any typical outward signs…typical…what the hell is typical…and I thought he was being extremely rude. OMG! I was being rude. I am so locked into my own bubble I couldn’t see beyond my own self. That’s when I realized why so many people give funny looks. They see no outward signs and assume it’s bad behavior. Taught myself a hard lesson. But in my defense there are many ignorant people who do see signs of a major problem and still don’t get it. Could it be fear? If they keep their head in the sand will it go away, and not find them or someone they love? Man oh man…

Grandma I Have Ants in my Pants!

Little man Drake absolutely loves ALL LIVING THINGS! ALL! His favorite critters are ANTS! Yes readers, little guy loves, adores, fixates, hovers, draws, and plays with ants, and would bring them all into his room if he could…but we manage to catch him in time.

His favorite pass time is to draw pictures of ants. He will even take markers and draw them ALL OVER HIS ARMS! “No my love,” I tell him. “Just draw them on paper…”BUT GRANDMA IT WASHES OFF,” he replies. With hands on my hips I tell him…”Listen to grandma my sweet boy, just draw on the paper.” With hands on his hips he replies…”But grandma it washes off…okay grandma?” UGH! Time to fasten my seatbelt and go for a ride.

Here’s the thing I tell him. You don’t want to have marker all over your little arms. Here’s the thing grandma…IT WASHES OFF SO IT’S OKAY…right? Noooooooooo…you have to draw them on paper…oh my where is my Advil?

After the marker fiasco he will say: “Grandma I love ants!” I will say, “I know my love!” He will say: “Grandma I love sugar ants.” I will say, “I bet you do sweet boy.” He will say: “I love carpenter ants too, grandma.” Choke…choke…I will say, “those are sooo cool too little man.” “Grandma,” he will say…while looking at me with those beautiful big brown eyes…”I LOVE FIRE ANTS!” I know you love fire ants I reply, but you can’t play with them because they will bite. No they won’t he tells me. Yes they will I tell him. They’ve never bitten me graaaaandma he tells me. YES THEY HAVE I look him in the eye and tell him. By now my hands are moving towards my hips and I’m getting ready to do the grandma hustle. Listen my love you can’t play with fire ants. You have been bitten a number of times and it made you cry. Now I hear “I’M FINE GRANDMA!” Oh Lordy, Lordy…

Listen mister, you can’t play with every bug. Some bugs bite. Some bugs sting. Got it? That’s when I hear “But grandma…” and I know I am dead in the water. Now he wants to bring them into the house. I try and explain that you don’t really want to do that because they can get into food. Of course that didn’t work because he thought that was quite funny. You don’t want to bring them in because they can get all over everything. That didn’t work either because he found that awesome…bugs everywhere! Doesn’t get much better than this.
Once we get into the ant zone there is NO escaping. This conversation can go round and round and round. Sometimes it can get ugly and he will start crying. Seeing as how I can’t take it when I see him cry I realize I have to come up with a plan. I thought this was brilliant on my part. I finally told him: “Ask mommy when she gets home from work.” He said: “I will do that grandma. I’ll ask mommy why she says no. You never tell me NO!” After spending a few minutes laughing to myself I started feeling sorry for my daughter…but I will never tell her what I did.

Dog Bones In Heaven?

Usually I try to write funny little anecdotes about my precious little grand”sun” Drake whom I affectionately refer to on occasion as “The Masher!” Today’s story has NO humor and tugs at your heart.

Not too long ago, a little dog that he loved with all his heart was killed after being hit by a car. The dog’s name was Snickers…also known as Snicks…and Snicker-doodles…and was his bestest bud. He and his little sissy adored that dog, as did everyone else. Unfortunately, the dog ran out of the house one night and before he could be rounded up and brought back into the house he was fatally hit by a car.

It was total CHAOS! My sweet daughter was sitting in the middle of the road screaming out the dogs name. Neighbors were helping and crying at the same time. I’m trying to calm the kids down and keep them from seeing Snicks who by now was moved to the sidewalk. What an awfully awful time.

It took a lot to calm everyone down but the tears didn’t stop flowing. Drake and Riles wanted to know if Snicks was now in HEAVEN and in-between sobs we told them that “yes, Snicks is in heaven with God and the angels.” They wanted to know if they would ever be able to see him again so we told them always look to the brightest star and that will be Snicks. They asked if he would be able to see them and all the Christmas lights and we told them he will probably jump onto a cloud and look down upon them, watching them see all the lights and having fun on Christmas. This made them very happy. Now when it starts to get dusky outside, they both lay down on he ground in front of their home and look up and tell Snicks they love him. When they see a bright star they get very excited and talk to him. Drake tells everyone that their Snicks is in heaven.

The other night he asked my daughter if they could send DOG BISCUITS to heaven. Boy does this kid hurt your heart…

I Want It…I DON’T Want it! OH HUSH UP will ya…

Well it has been long enough. It’s about time I bore you to tears with a DRAKE update …you know…that cute little scamp of a kid who’s pictures I always have plastered on my wall like a Wanted Poster! 

This relatively new thing he likes to do actually causes your brain to crash around inside of your skull like a hockey puck gone wild. It can make your eyes bulge and make your ears bleed…OK, OK…a tad dramatic but remember as a writer you fall under poetic license…Got it? Okie Dokie!!!!

I suppose you can say this new thingy falls under flip flopping, or more like a form of mental water torture. Here we go! 

Ladedadeda as we all pile into my daughter’s mini bounce house that has air bags, steering wheel, brakes, gas peddle and windows. It is astounding to watch…a vehicle that turns into a friggin’ BOUNCE HOUSE and it is me and my daughter doing the bouncing. It can start just like this: Drake will ask, “Can I get a slushie?” One of us will turn and say “sure my love!” “Can Riley get one too?” he asks.  If she wants one she can. Let her say what she wants…and you can say what you want. UGH! OMG! WHY, OH WHY, OH WHY did one of us say that? What the hell were we thinking. I can now feel the slight tremor of a bounce working its way through my body, and can see my daughter’s face turn a wonderful shade of fuchsia. It was absolutely lovely! 

Without skipping a bit, and totally oblivious to the brain crunch about to happen we hear:  I DON’T WANT A SLUSHIE…starts out on volume one, slowly escalates to volume two, and bypasses three through nine straight to an astonishing ten without missing a beat and NOOOOOOOOO volume controller to TURN HIM OFF! Good grief. Open up a can of worms and a Rattle Snake pops out. 

So now it’s: OK! So you don’t want the slushie? While looking at us like we are nuts he says: I want the slushie. OK! OK! So you do want the slushie! NOOOOOOOOOOO I don’t want the slushie. By this point my purplish looking daughter and I both NEED A GOOD STRONG DRINK…most certainly not a slushie…if you get my drift. This can happen at any given moment and pertain to ANYTHING!

You never know when this will start. You never know how long it will take to end. The only thing you do know is: you don’t know. 

Seems like every time something that can make you tear your own hair out stops, (he’s too cute and wouldn’t want to see any bald spots on his precious head, I’ve lived a long life so who cares if I go bald) something else comes along to take its place. Half the time you don’t even realize it until he stops doing this and then starts up again. I can’t tell you how many times my sweet daughter and I have said: OH! Didn’t even notice it stopped. As I have said many, many times, thank goodness for ADVIL…