Well it has been long enough. It’s about time I bore you to tears with a DRAKE update …you know…that cute little scamp of a kid who’s pictures I always have plastered on my wall like a Wanted Poster!
This relatively new thing he likes to do actually causes your brain to crash around inside of your skull like a hockey puck gone wild. It can make your eyes bulge and make your ears bleed…OK, OK…a tad dramatic but remember as a writer you fall under poetic license…Got it? Okie Dokie!!!!
I suppose you can say this new thingy falls under flip flopping, or more like a form of mental water torture. Here we go!
Ladedadeda as we all pile into my daughter’s mini bounce house that has air bags, steering wheel, brakes, gas peddle and windows. It is astounding to watch…a vehicle that turns into a friggin’ BOUNCE HOUSE and it is me and my daughter doing the bouncing. It can start just like this: Drake will ask, “Can I get a slushie?” One of us will turn and say “sure my love!” “Can Riley get one too?” he asks. If she wants one she can. Let her say what she wants…and you can say what you want. UGH! OMG! WHY, OH WHY, OH WHY did one of us say that? What the hell were we thinking. I can now feel the slight tremor of a bounce working its way through my body, and can see my daughter’s face turn a wonderful shade of fuchsia. It was absolutely lovely!
Without skipping a bit, and totally oblivious to the brain crunch about to happen we hear: I DON’T WANT A SLUSHIE…starts out on volume one, slowly escalates to volume two, and bypasses three through nine straight to an astonishing ten without missing a beat and NOOOOOOOOO volume controller to TURN HIM OFF! Good grief. Open up a can of worms and a Rattle Snake pops out.
So now it’s: OK! So you don’t want the slushie? While looking at us like we are nuts he says: I want the slushie. OK! OK! So you do want the slushie! NOOOOOOOOOOO I don’t want the slushie. By this point my purplish looking daughter and I both NEED A GOOD STRONG DRINK…most certainly not a slushie…if you get my drift. This can happen at any given moment and pertain to ANYTHING!
You never know when this will start. You never know how long it will take to end. The only thing you do know is: you don’t know.
Seems like every time something that can make you tear your own hair out stops, (he’s too cute and wouldn’t want to see any bald spots on his precious head, I’ve lived a long life so who cares if I go bald) something else comes along to take its place. Half the time you don’t even realize it until he stops doing this and then starts up again. I can’t tell you how many times my sweet daughter and I have said: OH! Didn’t even notice it stopped. As I have said many, many times, thank goodness for ADVIL…
I can imagine this, but at least you were in the bouncy thing and not in public. Wait until you get a blood curdling scream in the middle of a quiet store!! lol Well, Brendan is over his screaming fits in public places, but still likes to create a scene now and then. ;) Be warned... :D
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