Today I am going to write about something weighing heavily on my heart and mind. So as you can tell, this entry will be on a more serious note. The time is fast approaching when the need to explain to Drake about autism is fast zooming down the road. My sweet daughter Jefner and I agonize on when to do this…how to start…what to say…and how to answer questions if he should have any!
This is a road we knew we would travel but it seemed so far away. Now it is just about here. The little man will be eleven years old this year and we can see he is striving for more independence and to be treated like a BIG guy…God this hurts our hearts…how do we help him to understand? How do we choose the right words? How do we know we chose the right words? How do we say things to help him without confusing him?
He seems to be getting to the point where he’s questioning things. Does he know his thought processes are different? Does he feel different? How do we let him know he is just like everyone else while being a little bit different…that he sees and puts together things in a different way. If this is confusing for us, we can only imagine how confusing this is for him?
Are we worrying too much? Will a miracle happen and he’ll say: Oh don’t worry about me…I get it…it’s no biggie? Will he look at us with confusion in his eyes and think we’re just babbling away? Will he get upset because he thinks he’s not the same and now doesn’t know what to do? Maybe in the recesses of his wonderful mind he will get everything we say and feel sad because he knows we feel sad! Could it be that he understands more than we give him credit for…can this be possible? Why is life so hard at times. I know many, many people have it much harder but at this moment I am going to put our pain and fear to the top. Tomorrow we will have a better grip once again…allowing us to be thankful…thankful for bringing us this little ANGEL.
All we can do is hope and pray that when we work up the courage…yes, courage…things will go well. I wonder if the courage is for him or for us…
